Probably won’t, probably will
Lately, I’ve allowed myself to feel a lot of pressure from the collective internet to be really creative, crafty, and decorative in every aspect in my life, even though I know it’s completely unreasonable. By “the collective internet,” I’m not referring to the lovely folks I’ve “met” through different channels and correspond with regularly. No, I mean that nameless, faceless mob that somehow implies that I should be making all manner of crafts from men’s t-shirts, filming a sentimental video for my anniversary, planning a mustache-themed party, and making cake pops. And, hey, if you like that stuff, all the power to you! I just … don’t. For a while, I’ve felt strange and guilty about that, even though I knew that it made no sense at all.
Thanks to the kind, supportive comments on my last post about our low-key anniversary, I’ve been pondering what it looks like to just do whatever I want. I don’t mean this in a willy-nilly, anarchist way, but more like being confident about what I like to do and being okay with leaving behind the things I don’t, especially when they are perfectly good, constructive things.
In that vein, I brainstormed a list of things I probably won’t do, and it was very freeing to see it out there. Self, it’s okay that you are not doing these things! Then, I felt like I wasn’t doing anything, which is inaccurate, so I countered them with things I probably (most likely, almost for sure) will do. Here’s what I came up with:
Won’t: subscribe to or read magazines
Will: read a book a week
Won’t: seek out new movies to watch or go see them in a theater (and by extension, have a clue as to what’s going on at the Oscars)
Will: give you a decent book recommendation (or 5)
Won’t: have a sit-down dinner party or make place cards
Will: label the food on a buffet line at a casual get-together
Won’t: enjoy cooking dinner
Will: bring a dessert to basically any gathering I attend
Won’t: devise a photo shoot with a color scheme, outfits, and props
Will: take lots of pictures of other people at an event and send out a link to a web album for viewing and ordering prints
Won’t: naturally turn a bunch of craft supplies into something cohesive or attractive
Will: make a personalized onesie for a new baby
Won’t: make a 7-layer rainbow cake
Will: make themed sugar cookies
Won’t: keep house plants alive
Will: buy fresh flowers every so often
That all seems about right to me, and it helps stave off the unfounded guilt about whatever project I’m not doing.
What do you think? What will or won’t you (probably) do?
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I LOVE this post. Love, love, love.
I was just thinking about the same thing last night when I spent an entire naptime plus an hour after Ella went to bed turning a pair of jeans into maternity jeans. And I enjoyed basically no moment of it. I feel like Pinterest makes me THINK I should love sewing and I just do not. In fact, I talked Bart’s ear off about this exact topic when he got home last night. Why waste time with hobbies that aren’t even fun for you?
I would love some book recommendations! So far this summer I’ve read Gone Girl, Seating Arrangements and the new Emily Giffin.
We are very much non-productionists around here. While I can appreciate other’s efforts, I avoid things that will cause me undue stress and anxiety.
I was surprised about the dinner bullet though. I remember you posting a lot of new recipes a few years back. So I assumed that cooking was something you enjoyed? I go through phases myself.
I cooked a lot one year because I had literally 2 things I could make confidently: baked ziti and chili. Now, my repertoire is slightly larger and I have decent knife skills, but that’s where it ends. I just prefer baking to cooking so much, and thank goodness JG loves to cook. And that I like to wash dishes, I guess.
Ditto to this one:
Won’t: enjoy cooking dinner
Will: bring a dessert to basically any gathering I attend
This is a good reminder not to get caught up in what everyone else on the internet is doing, and just do what I enjoy. I have to remember that I’m not a failure as a woman just because I don’t love to cook dinner!
Fantastic post! I completely agree…pinterest seems to be the source of my guilt. There are so many great ideas out there, but most of them are not for me. And that’s ok.
I love this post! I hosted a sit-down dinner party once, and while it went well enough, I just felt like my group of friends aren’t fancy enough for sit-down dinner parties, I felt awkward, they looked awkward, etc. I’ve thrown a dozen casual buffet-style dinners (with labeled food) and there is no awkwardness, that’s my niche.
I’m not crafty, I won’t set-up a photo shoot, and I have fake plants in my house because I love the greenery but have only ever been able to keep an aloe plant alive for longer than 3 months.
xox
Are aloe plants hard to keep alive? I’ve been contemplating getting one because my husband is very resistant to the idea of sunscreen, but if I’m just going to kill it, maybe I’ll just buy a bottle of aloe vera instead!
Ahhhhhhh – is the “will” related to labeling food on a buffet line a slight nod to my standing tri-fold menus for the engagement party?
I also vote yes for fresh flowers. I think hydrangias are like the super power flower – those things last forever! Also, I’ll fill you in on the Oscar race when it comes around again next year. You know we always do a par-tay!
I feel the same way. I feel like I’m somehow subpar because I can’t find a mirror at a flea market for $2 and transform it into something fabulous but frankly I hate shopping at flea markets and digging through piles of stuff to find one little thing so I would never enjoy this!
I have no problem with sit-down dinners, but maybe ours are less fancy than American ones?
Amen to most of the things on your list. Especially the house plants.
I like your will and won’t list. It’s good to have perspective about the things that you actually want to do. Really, there are so many other things that you really want to do and those would be much more satisfying to accomplish!
It does become more evident as I get older that I should focus on what I want to do, not do something that people think I should do. Pinterest seems to the thing lately that gets me all thinking “I should do this and I should do that” and as interesting as it is to look at these fun and creative things, it is really distracting me from the things that I really want to do!
This post has totally got me thinking…in fact, I might borrow it. I love where you’re coming from. I think we’re at an age where we are figuring out what feels right in our own skin, ya know?
I agree with Janet — I feel like we’re in a figure-out-what-feels-right stage of life (at least I am, anyway). Since we moved to the new house, I have really wanted to be theThat Person whoe knows and hangs out with her neighbors, but the reality is that Tim and I pretty much keep to ourselves. We’ve gone to some neighborhood events, but kept to ourselves there, too, instead of mingling and meeting people. Lately I’ve stopped trying so hard and gone back to being me, and I have a lot less stress and anxiety as a result. And, what do you know, I’ve still managed to befriend one of our neighbors through chance encounters at the park and when walking the dogs. A good reminder that it’s okay to just be who I am.
I saw this post linked on Janssen’s blog, and I just had to comment because I agree with it completely. It’s taken me a long time to be okay with the fact that I don’t like to cook dinner…okay, I’m still not okay with it! I feel a lot of guilt over the fact that I don’t want to spend my time cooking. I have a friend who makes (and follows!) elaborate meal plans, and I would love to be that way, but I spend my time doing other things that are more important to me. (We may not eat gourmet meals, but we don’t starve…isn’t that the point?!). Recently, I’ve read The Happiness Project and Quiet: The Power of Introverts, and both have really helped me settle on the things that are important to me and enabled me to be okay with those choices. This post has only furthered that thinking. Thanks!